Growing

The cycle of death and rebirth has held tightly to the human psyche since, at least, the dawn of agricultural settlements, if not sooner. The Sumerians celebrated a holiday similar to Easter in the spring, during which the goddess Inanna was venerated for overcoming death and her sister’s duplicity in the underworld and returning to the realm of the gods. She left her loser husband (who hadn’t even mourned her!) Dumuzid in her place. The Akkadians, Babylonians, and Assyrians venerated Ishtar, their equivalent of Inanna, with the same holidays. The Israelites and possibly Canaanites celebrated Purim, and the Greeks have the myth of Hades and Persephone to explain the cyclical seasons. 

Talking about religion is awkward at best and presumptuous and pushy at worst, so I promise to keep this next bit brief. Being raised Catholic (and still being loosely so), the Lenten season signifies a time of reflection, penitence, and growth in my religion. We’re called to think about our shortcomings and vices, and how we can improve on or give them up. This year, I’ve really worked on learning how to be a better partner in my relationship. Part of this involved the work of understanding my attachment patterns and how they manifest. In quite a few ways, though not all, I have an anxious attachment style. While I’m not at all a jealous type, I have an intense fear of abandonment, people-pleasing tendencies, and an immense craving for validation to soothe my low self-esteem. I’ve really worked on developing tools to self-soothe whenever I feel insecure or anxious (self-compassion training and meditation have been really helpful), along with how to communicate my needs directly and without blame. I’ve also learned the importance of giving Nick space to process when emotions run high, and especially the importance of taking a few minutes to cool down when a conversation starts to get heated so that I don’t say something I later regret. It’s funny- in my past relationships, I didn’t have this issue, but I also didn’t feel nearly as passionately about those men as I do about Nick. Passion can really heighten every other emotion, bringing out both the best and worst in me. With my job hunt, medical issues, long distance, Nick’s busy schedule, and a few other personal matters in our lives, we’ve had a *really* stressful past couple of months, mostly due to external factors. I’m proud of us for how we’ve navigated this as a couple and emerged stronger, learning more about ourselves and fortifying our bond in the process. We’re a team when we take on life’s stresses together, and I’m proud of us for remaining open and honest, even when the truth might hurt a bit. 

Nick also suggested that we regularly schedule time just to goof off together- whether that be watching trash TV and sitcoms or playing choose-your-own-adventure games over discord. He’s really onto something- fun and levity is SO important in a relationship, and when both people are stressed, sometimes you need to put it on a calendar and schedule it. 

I’m so proud of the growth our relationship has experienced. Like tulips pushing through melting snow, we’re really starting to see the fruits of our hard work, and the beauty of daily, happy moments reminds us of what we’re growing together. I’m so proud of him. I’m proud of me, too. 

Happy Easter. Wherever you are on your journey, know that the only constant in life is change, and don’t feel ashamed that you still have progress to make. We all do. Keep on growing.